How to turn regret into a positive force

It's not doing things we regret, but not doing them. In addition, regrets are usually felt after not doing something, unlike remorse.

Thus, we regret not working hard enough in school, not taking advantage of chances, or not spending enough time with family and friends. Richard Wiseman found that 75% of people regret not doing something, while 25% regret activities like making disastrous career choices, marrying someone they didn't love, or having a child at an unsuitable time.

Regret may alter lives. Human regret is powerful, says psychologist and marketing professor Neal Roese. It positively affects future behaviour.

Contrary to popular belief, people regard negative emotions both positively and negatively, according to his research. We see regret more positively than negatively.

Neal Roese uses regret to encourage action and influence your destiny. He believes the brain suppresses regret when there's no other option. Regret lets you change things (like trying to talk to a buddy during an argument).

Neal Roese found that people appreciated remorse. More than any other negative emotion, students said regret helped them make better decisions.

To avoid daily regret, our brain rationalises: "I should have left this job sooner, but at least I learned a lot about myself" and "I didn't have to get married, but at least I have children I love." Suppose our brain helps us rationalise previous actions, but what about non-actions, since regret concerns them?

Why do people regret inaction more than action? Our psychological immune system has a harder time forming positive and trustworthy beliefs of idleness than action. When we don't act on a marriage proposal from a celebrity, we can't control ourselves by thinking about what we learnt from the event because there is no one "Dan Gilbert, Harvard happiness expert.

Regret means things can be rectified. When a problem can be solved, it's more intense. Researchers call this "bottom-up hypothetico-deductive reasoning"—comparing possibilities to change future behaviour.

Hypothetico-deductive thinking is useful, but it shouldn't cause remorse. From bottom-up to top-down hypothetico-deductive reasoning, we must question “how could things have been worse?”

This inquiry reduces regret and turns disappointment into thankfulness, say experts. So "I can't believe I damaged my car, I'm so stupid!" can become "I was extremely lucky not to die or be injured in this accident".

Understand that rationalisation helps us get past our mistakes and inactions. Regret is rarely as awful as we thought and usually goes away quickly. Indeed, we can suffer intensely and for years for doing nothing. Older individuals typically advise “say yes to opportunities.”


If the chance won't kill us, imprison us, or destroy our relationships, we should take it. The shame of doing dumb things fades, but not trying is much worse. We should focus less on our worries and more on our goals. Because saying “yes” makes us happy, we will appreciate our lives more.

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