Most individuals wish to help others in need. You recognise yourself? Is it often stronger than you to help someone who asks for help? Do you realise that people in need often don't want your support at that moment or in the way you offer?
If you want to aid someone at all costs before they ask, it's because you expect others to do the same. This probably makes you feel loved and makes you think that any attention and support from others, even if it doesn't fit you, is love.
Have you noticed that you rarely follow advice? You just need attention, not advice or encouragement. Sometimes you feel like people aren't paying attention. You don't realise how much you need assistance and attention, which is why this concerns you.
Recognise this and tell yourself that the day you love yourself enough and give yourself all the attention you need, you will no longer need others.
When you give advice to someone without asking, they're likely to ignore it. Because you think she's rejecting you, you may be upset and irritated. Have you wondered how to help someone who hasn't told you what they want? How can anyone help you if you haven't stated your needs?
To learn how you want to help others, observe how easy it is for you to listen to someone (even a stranger) talk about their problems without being drawn to make a suggestion or give him advice you think would help him.
A person who frequently discusses their difficulties seeks attention, deliberately or unconsciously. Many believe they focus more on difficulties than positive news. Why do newspapers sell well when they discuss world issues? A Californian had the wonderful notion of publishing only positive news in a newspaper. It closed after a year.
Try the following when someone brings up a problem. If you want, you listen to him and tell him you're having a hard time. So far, how have you solved this? She'll likely say she's clueless. Do you have any suggestions? Respect any she identifies, even if you disagree, and push her to act. Should she not have one, ask: Are you telling me this because you need help? Should I tell you what I would do in your place? If she agrees, give her counsel.
Remember that loving yourself implies accepting yourself. The main thing is admitting your flaws. Giving yourself permission to be human and ignore your ego. Love implies accepting others as they are.
LESS WE ACCEPT OURSELVES, MORE WE SEARCH OUTSIDE FOR LOVE. The less we love ourselves, the less we listen to our deep needs, and we believe we must put others first. Unloved self is the main cause of relationship issues.
Think on what would make you happy right now and give yourself some attention at least once a day. You will have reduced expectations of others. Allow yourself a defect, weakness, or fear daily.
However, tell your family you wish to learn to aid them only when needed. Tell them they can call you out if you neglect to ask if they need aid before helping them.
You will be astonished how much this kind of respect improves relationships and decreases emotions, especially guilt. You will eventually help FOR LOVE, not TO BE LOVED.