My mother gave up her sleep to listen to her brother's problems while preparing for her hospital day. My father also drove taxis for many people despite his other duties. I've seen them go far to accommodate others.
Commitment is admirable, but when is it excessive? When do we have to compromise?
Christine Grou, head of the Order of Psychologists of Quebec, links sacrifice, dedication, and self-sacrifice. A clear distinction must be made over time. Sacrifice can be useful when done at the proper time but destructive when done regularly.
In his recent book, Freeing yourself from the Cinderella complex - Finding the audacity to live, psychotherapist Saverio Tomasella describes a tendency to put others' needs before one's own. He calls it Cinderella complicated.
"Similar to the protagonist in Perrault's story [...], we have the ability to prioritise the needs of our loved ones, assume responsibility for all aspects of family life, and make sacrifices in order to gain acceptance and love," adds.
Ms. Grou believes various variables may be causing this complex predicament. Lack of self-confidence, growing up without unconditional love, or premature maturation due to parental duties.
Karine, 43, was raised by a disabled mother. I used to get milk from the street vendor as a kid. I obeyed his orders as his limbs. The dancing and yoga instructor says she helped me and I helped her physically.
Karine naturally cares for others. It's almost addictive, he admits. She changed her strategy to stay mentally healthy. Her mother's Alzheimer's symptoms two years ago were a major difficulty. When she was diagnosed, I wondered if I would have to modify my life.
I knew I wouldn't live with her. Declining was difficult, but she did it to respect his restrictions. Karine helped her mother move and continues to support her remotely.
Psychologists like Christine Grou recommend learning to set limits to avoid self-sacrifice and frustration. As a family trait, I like to help and please others.
When I gasp for air and admonish the kids, "Considering all that I've done for you!" I realise I haven't always respected my boundaries. These words make us question our behaviour and whether we've overstepped.
Having a generous relative can be difficult. "If we anticipate reciprocity, the act of sacrifice can transform into an obligation towards the other," Ms. Grou says. The psychotherapist advises openly addressing your concerns with others without guilt to handle this tricky circumstance.
Extreme commitment to others might cause despair or tiredness. According to the psychologist, we must balance considering others' opinions with our own.
She advises evaluating what you would lose if you stopped your current behaviours to avoid such an extreme. According to Saverio Tomasella, Cinderella attends the ball to escape her enslavement and live a generous life.