A intimate friendship, not a romantic relationship. Strangely, I'm calm. I'm sorry this long friendship has ended, but I was excluded.
One evening during the pandemic, when everyone was sick and emotional, the slope got slick. We've all felt this for two years!
We were surrounded by brilliant green and orange hues. Remember when our area's colour limited our guests. My exquisite dinner invitations were sent out when the mood was optimistic.
Montreal and its surroundings were colourful before D-Day. A small percentage of people would exceed the limit. My friend addressed potential implications and stressors during the talk. After imprisonment, deconfinement, and possible re-confinement, my patience grew thin. I made the mistaken suggestion that people regulate their anxiety and withdraw to maintain the ratio.
I admitted my mistake and reacted neutrally. I answered the phone and spoke after a few days. Although our encounters had decreased, I believed it was important to repair our friendship. My friend contacted me shortly after this talk to express his delight with the result and acknowledge the importance of our connection. Benefits of good communication! Like a faraway recollection.
Imagine my amazement when, after almost a year, I asked all my friends to a joyous barbeque (despite taking health precautions) and had no response. I haven't heard from him in a while! To compliment his latest music, I contacted him at his celebration.
Text with a positive response and a supporting smile emoji, but no further conversation. Did my infrequent communication disappoint him? This required me to be cautious and protect secrecy with practically everyone...
“Here, there could have been personnel accountable for analysing impressions," says psychologist Josée Jacques. In three simple steps, we explain the facts (I sent you a message and received no answer); then we offer two possible interpretations (are you still offended or haven't seen my message owing to a busy schedule?). We evaluate the scenario. Accuracy prevents miscommunication.
A buddy had supper with the partner of a speechless friend shortly after the invites were sent out. And that's how I realised that our seemingly fixed situation was actually more complicated. I was saddened to learn that this friend had entirely abandoned me. Despite my frustration, I tried to solve the problem.
However, I changed my mind. What to fix? Hadn't all the required talks happened? What changed this year to worsen our communication?
Always ask: Who's responsible for fixing the problem? If the issue doesn't affect me, I don't have to fix it. But high ambiguity can cause ruminating. For effective relationships, we must approach circumstances with understanding and sensitivity.
We can observe and acknowledge the other person's sentiments, such as feeling cold, without judging them. Are you furious or trying to remove yourself?That's excellent, but sometimes we don't care about the link. If the other party doesn't seem interested or appreciative, it may fade. We're uncertain... Perhaps a reunion will happen "says the psychologist.
According to my research, this episode may have allowed this acquaintance to give me my 4%. I realised that my inaction or inability to persuade him meant our friendship was over.