If you're a parent or want to be, know your motivations. Unfortunately, some people want children for these reasons:
Wanting to give your child what you lacked
To keep spouse
Just to satisfy your parents
To confirm that not having children is abnormal
To get home or financial aid
To avoid looking selfish to others and society
Solve marital issues
Someone to dominate
Two significant factors should lead the desire to have a kid, besides these unrecommended ones:
Wanting to learn about ourselves through our relationship with the child, or the parts of our parents we've accepted.
Wanting a soul to reincarnate to experience our love, family, and environment.
Thus, parenting offers wonderful opportunities to learn:
True love, acceptance: We can test if we can accept the child as is. This doesn't imply letting him do anything he wants. We can tolerate him without accepting his actions. Giving a child candy, cajoling, scolding, hitting, or disciplining him to end a tantrum is not unconditional love. We want him to obey us.
Accepting him implies letting him be angry without tolerating his behaviour. We can take him to his room and tell him he can be furious and reacting, but the family won't tolerate his yelling. He can shout in his room and come out when he's better. It will be easy to ask him about his experiences and feelings thereafter.
Respect involves not expecting the child to follow our rules and wants. He has distinct experiences to live his soul's life goal than us.
Responsibility: Most parents find it hardest to teach their kids responsibility. The father believes he is accountable for his child's happiness and health. The sooner we realise this goal is unattainable, the calmer we will feel.
I remind you that being responsible implies understanding that each person makes their life and continuously faces repercussions. The child must go to his room to suffer his crisis because of his fury. Getting more upset will make it harder for him to make friends and have solid relationships.
LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF: When you feel yourself criticising or blaming your child, utilise it to learn about yourself via your child. If you get furious because your child is difficult and doesn't listen, you've forgotten responsibility.
His BEING is just what you need to learn now. Use the mirror exercise to examine your accusations. Being impolite, for example, shows that you don't like yourself and that your parents probably judged you for it, even if you behaved differently.
I remind you that loving oneself implies accepting all our qualities, even our flaws. Giving oneself human rights. Change and interpersonal improvement are only possible this way.
Last, remember that parenting is a terrific opportunity to acquire unconditional love of yourself and others.